I was talking to a friend recently, a friend by the name of Christian Dorismond (so if you see him on the street feel free him to give him a cursory flip of the finger). At first our friendly discussion regarding gym etiquette and favorite protein-supplement flavors was going well, that is until we started competing as to who was more of a workout warrior. He of course won, crushing whatever menial accomplishments I had made in the gym: My bench max was his warmup, I was curling what he curled back in pre-K, and his arms were thicker than my torso. So to save face I called out his only physical flaw, that he was ugly. Which isn’t some sort of outlandish lie, some people are just made ugly it’s nothing to be ashamed of… to some bag-over-face extent.

So he then slaps this honker of a claim. Apparently “people” who’ve seen my bellybutton think its some horrid mutation caused by leprosy or overexposure to “The Shot of Love 2”.

But his direct words were this:
“yours looked like a clitoris”

So I humbly ask you the reader to decide if my bellybutton does indeed… look like a clitoris?