Manny coughed, blinked, and coughed again. Turning his head to face the drivers side he initiated the mental clockwork needed in order to formulate and enunciate his intended thoughts. Crinkling his nose as he tried to lift the hazy veil from his eyes words began to formulate in-between his vision. Words in bright neon colors and fuzzywuzzy textures. Words such as “penis” and “zebra cum”, Manny couldn’t help but chuckle at this parade of prepubescent potty humor but was again seized immediately with a sense of purpose, shook his head clear and whispered, “Dude”.
Henry muttered “Yeah man?”
“How fast are we going Hen?”
“I don’t know man my spaghetti-o-meter is busted”
Henry raising a finger from the steering wheel pointed to the center of the dashboard where in its center where a speedometer SHOULD have been was a can of spaghetti-o’s with a kitchen timer in it. As Henry said it was broken, the meat sauce was leaking out.
“Hen everytime I try to stare at a pebble on the floor it like… disappears that-a-way” Manny pointed towards the rear of the car.
“Hen it like disappears into… the past man”
“Man thats insane, lemme see”
Henry craned his head outside the window, as he tried to focus his vision onto specific pebbles the car slowly veered to the left. Moments later an explosion rocked the fender of the small burgundy Toyota, and a flash of heat washed over Henry’s neck but Henry didn’t notice. The police would later find the mangled wreckage smoldering by the side of the turnpike the next morning. The victims? Two brothers, blonde haired, with immaculate teeth, and contrasting life aspirations. The driver, an associate of Henry and Manny was found with a look of bored pessimism. CSI detectives are almost 99% sure in their assumptions that the drivers last words were “Goddamn it Henry.” The chubbier sibling shat himself.
Henry brang his head back into the car and readjusted his rearview mirror just as the flames were beginning to fade off into the distance. Shaking his head in disbelief with palms quaking in anxiety all Henry could muster was a bemoaned, “O man I think you’re right Manny”.
Manny trying to shove himself in the glove compartment peeked out from the bottom of the passenger’s seat, “Hen I think, we’re traveling…” Manny looking around and cupping his mouth hoarsely whispered, “…into the future…”
“OHMANOHMANOHMANOHMANOHMAN” Henry was… uh, he uhm… fuck I don’t know how to describe it, Henry was freaking out.
“Let’s make sure Manny, we can’t be traveling into the fu-, I mean it’s impossible right we don’t have the uh flux capacitor and Michael J. Fox isn’t in the car with us so we can’t man!”
Henry turned to the back of the car, “Ying are we time traveling?!” The underaged Chinese gymnast who Henry and Manny had accidentally kidnapped on a surprise trip to Shanghai (“Henry and Manny’s Most Excellent Shanghai Shenanigans” will be coming soon!) barely stirred as her snoring (similar to that of an adult elephant walrus) curtly answered Henry’s question.
“Leu man can ya tell if we’re tearing through the time-space continuum man?”
Leu sat stock still twiddling his thumbs as he constantly glanced at his watch muttering the words “momma gon kill me, momma gon kill me, momma gon kill me…”. Just then Leu’s cell phone rang, it was his momma. In a flurry of panic he tossed the phone across the back seat, smacking Ying’s ass. Probably in response to all the beatings she received at the hands from her Chinese gymnast coaches for not “sticking her landing”, or to be more realistic “sticking her rranding” she instinctively pommel horsed the living shit out of Leu’s sternum.
She then flailed for a bit in her seat, shouted something unintelligible and immeidately fell back into her deep sleep. Leu in utter dogshit disbelief stared at the sleeping minor and keeled over.
Henry slowly turned his head back to its normal position and let out a long sigh. Manny noticing this unusual display of calmness from his usually neurotic buddy asked “Hen how can you NOT be freakin about this shet?!”
At the same moment the biggest fuck bomb just detonated in Henry’s mind.
“Huh what’d you say man?”
“Ok Hen what about if ya know we slow down, maybe we could slip out of hyperspace and fucking exit through a stargate and fucking ask Scotty to beam us up?”
“No Manny man you’re such a bobo head, if we slow down we’ll just crash into our “PAST” selves.”
Manny’s eyes went wide with enlightenment and his mouth hung open, “Holy shit… you’re fucking RIGHT man. Shit I’m such an idiot, how are we gonna do this Hen?!”
Henry with a mysterious newfound sense of confidence replied “Manny I’m going to need some floss, ketchup, and 72 cents in pennies. I GOTS a plan man.”
The camera begins to zoom into Henry’s face slowly, in the background a subtle yet authoritative hiphop beat begins to escalate in volume. In fact I think I hear some T-Pain on that shit, hellz yeah. The camera slowly begins to fade as this episode slowly concludess…
“Wait Hen we don’t have any of that shit”
TO BE CONTINUED…