I opened my eyes groggily confronting an equally disheveled reflection of myself in the mirror. I had left the sink on and my toothbrush was in the works of reenacting the sinking of the Titanic. Taking one final look in the mirror I saw a lone eyedookie clinging to my eyelash. While splashing that cold, invigorating Indiana tap water onto my face I rotated my neck to face my more pudgier roommate of four days.
I continued staring at him, not saying a word. If your mornings are going to blow why not try to spice things up once in a while?
“Hey uh Will you there?”
I really didn’t know what I wanted to do. Should I respond verbally? Or parley with his face with the “twins” (raises fists): Andrew Jackson and Jamal.
“Yoo-hoo, is anybody in there?” He playfully knock-knocked against the mirror to, I guess, visually emphasize his point in the most visually upsetting way ever.
“C’mon Will I’m sorry for intruding but can you please respond?”
Wow I hated his impeccable politeness and courteous disposition. Always quick with a “please” or “thank you” his inability to be an asshole pissed me quite the fuck off frankly. I stirred the twins a bit, Jamal likes his beauty rest.
I muted my roommate, watching his mouth move up and down I was pretty sure if I heard one more ‘excuse me’ I’d suffer an aneurysm and our health insurance coverage didn’t include Indiana. Shit I don’t even think I have health insurance period.
As I readied myself to throw it down UFC style I had a sudden change of heart. He DID bring the microwave, TV, and fridge. So… ehhhh.
“Yeah Ryan, whats poppin?”
“Ho-hum looks like the hens are in the coops after all!”
“Are you done using the sink?”
“Yeah sure enjoy yo’self.”
I gathered my things and was about to relinquish my claim upon the sink when Ryan chirped up once more
Deep sigh. “Yep Ryan?”
“You forgot your underwear again nude-a-rino!!!!”
And that was when mah fist… stopped right in his face